The cost of control

Stuck in desperation, crying out... Lord, I don’t know the plans. Plagued by control. Oh, the price it is... the cost of control. Something I've learned about myself through the years is I am a controller. Not a "you can't do this or that" controller but a I have to know all the details, things have to be planned out, definitely not a spur of the moment gal. Why? Because that would be giving up control, that would be having absolutely no plan. Through life so many things happened (good and bad) when I wasn't in control. Also, one would say well so many things also happened (good and bad) when you were in control. Correct. It is a battle. 

For a controller letting go can be harder. Laying it at His feet can take us controllers longer. We try to figure everything out on our own because WE have to. We have to weigh every option and may often have the mentality "If I'm not going to do it then who will?" 

GOD WILL. 

God isn't the God of control, He surprises us, He does the unthinkable, He does things totally out of our scope most times. We weigh every option, every circumstance, and every outcome like it is a math problem. But the issue with this is God often does things that don't fit the mold, simply because He is the God of more than enough, the impossible, the unthinkable. I've been praying lately about a situation... wanting the answer, crying out "Lord, please just give me a sign, just speak to me." Out of control I have specifically been looking for this one answer. While holding on to control looking for one answer, I missed His answer. He has told me verbally "lay it down" and has told me through others over 3 times "lay it down, trust in me, I will lead you." But because that didn't answer my question I kept searching, feeling like God wasn't answering me. I totally missed it. He may not be letting me into answers for this specific decision or circumstance, but He is speaking. He is telling me "I've got this. Trust in me. Put me above everything else. Believe that my plans will surpass any idea or circumstance you've drowned up in your head. Trust that I am the way. Trust in me." It is so easy to say, "Yes God I trust in you and your plans." But what happens when it doesn't fit your mold? Do you still trust it? Are we missing the mark too focused on our own ideas? Have we missed the answer searching for what we think the answer should be? See I was looking for a yes or no answer, but God wasn't giving that answer. Though He wasn't giving me the answer I was looking for, He was answering me. As a controller we often take the long route looking for what we think we are looking for or want to hear. It is the hard truth. 

Is His answer enough? It may not be the exact answer you're looking for. You may just want Him to approve a decision, tell you what job you're supposed to go to, tell you what steps to take next, give you a yes or no to that decision but are we missing the mark? Is He giving you the answer without the plan? I know all of you controllers are screaming "Yes but I need the plan!!!” Sometimes we aren't meant to know the plans. If we knew the plans that means we would see it all. The hardships, the success, the growth. What if you saw the whole plan and didn't fulfill your purpose because of fear. The cost of control is too high. It isn't His way it becomes ours.  The Lord told me to lay it down simply because if I don't then everything else gets clouded. I can't hear Him, and I miss the mark. Once I laid it down, I then could hear His voice clearly. So today whatever it is you've been hanging onto, the answer you've been searching for… lay it down. God is already working on your behalf. Go sit at his feet and surrender it all to Him. His plans are better, His ways are better. 

Prayer:

Lord, your way is enough for me. It may not look how I want it to or how I think it should, but I trust in you and your plans. I trust that your way will lead me closer to your heart. Lord, I don't want to miss the mark, so I come to you and sit at your feet. I lay everything down at your feet. I lay down the cost of control. Overtake my mind and let me hear you clearly. Tear the veil from my eyes and let me see you clearly. Wherever you are is where I want to be, so I lean into your arms and say Lord, have your way! Do what you want to do and come how you want to come. My heart is open to you. Come and take every thought captive and come and speak truth and life into me. I'm sorry for when I have tried to do it on my own. You get every part of me Lord. So, give me revelation, give me peace, give me clarity... continue to speak to me Lord and get rid of every distraction. I just want to sit in your presence and ask you to breathe on me. I want more of your Jesus, I’ve come to seek your face. Lord, I love you. 

Amen.